Living with same-sex attraction in the aftermath of FS

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’” — Luke 15:4-6

“For just as by participating in Christ, we are given the title “Christian,“ so also are we drawn into a share in the lofty ideas which it implies“ – Saint Gregory of Nyssa

We in the Catholic Church as a whole and in particular in the Courage apostolate—the apostolate in the Church for people who experience same-sex attraction—have been given a great gift: the gift of truth. We freely graze in her green pastures, often not noticing our fellow sheep who have wandered away and are consuming poison. Truth is a gift, but many have not yet received it because of hardened hearts and darkened intellects, not because they don’t want it.

Recently, after the release of the Fiducia Supplicans, a friend reached out to me and asked if this document made my life more difficult as a man who experiences same-sex attraction and who chooses not to act on it or live it as an identity. “No,” I told her, “it doesn’t, because I know the truth”—as do the rest of us who are served by the Courage and Encourage apostolates. The only danger the Declaration on the pastoral meaning of blessing poses to me is the distraction it can become if I allow it to.

One early morning in 2018, as I got ready to drive to Mass, I received a text message from a friend. When I saw the text message alert, I rolled my eyes; I knew what the message was likely about. This friend, in my estimation, was somewhat obsessed with the scandal revolving around then-Cardinal McCarrick and the accusations of long-term sexual abuse of both minors and adults. I opened the text and verified my suspicion. At this early hour of the morning, I thought to myself, this devout Catholic friend is not meditating on the readings for Mass or spending time in prayer, drawing closer to Jesus. Nor, perhaps, are they expending necessary effort to deal with their own habitual, sexual, and substance-related sins. I wanted to send a message saying, “Stop worrying about McCarrick and focus on what is good for your soul.” I have a similar response when I hear some of the ongoing complaints about Pope Francis.

Pope Francis’s pectoral cross indicates, to me, how he sees his pontificate. On it is an image of Christ with the lost sheep being carried on His shoulders; in the background are the other ninety-nine sheep. In my mind, I see us in the Church who know the teachings of the Church and are doing our small part to grow closer to Jesus as the ninety-nine in the background. I see us with Francis grazing in the green fields of the goodness and love of Christ that we have been led to by the teachings and witness of the Church.

As Francis watches over us, he also looks off into the distance. He begins to walk away from the flock with his hand over his brows so he can see further. Some of the other sheep and I ask him, “What are you looking for?” He answers, “I am looking for all those sheep who are grazing in the wrong pastures and are unaware of Christ’s goodness and love for them.” He begins to walk further away from us, and I begin to get my wool in a bunch and ask him, “Where are you going?”

“I have to go and try to get those lost sheep out of those poisonous pastures,” he answers, “and back to the goodness of the Church.”

I say to him, “But what about us?” He responds, “Do you know where to graze? Do you know the goodness and truth of Jesus?”

“Yes,” I reply.

“Then continue to do so and pray for me,” he says, “as I go about the difficult, complex work of bringing your lost brothers and sisters back.”

As he walks away, I think, “What do I do here? Do I go to the other sheep and complain about the way he is going about bringing our lost sheep brethren back and stir the herd up to the point where they start to wander out of the good pasture of the Catholic Faith? Or do I remind them that we have been given this true and good pasture to graze in, and encourage them to pray for his efforts, imperfect and confusing as they may sometimes seem to us sheep?” The answer seems obvious.

Divinization is our goal as Catholics. We are not just trying to squeak our way into purgatory; we are invited to partake in the divine nature in this life. Doing so requires a lot of work on Jesus’s part and some on our part, and doing our small part involves focus and commitment. When we focus on caring for our fellow sheep in the good pasture of the Holy Catholic faith, evangelizing those who we have in our circle of influence, and supporting those shepherds in their efforts to bring back the lost sheep, our divinization and that of those around us develops and deepens. When we only complain and focus on the imperfections of others, we stunt our spiritual growth and that of those around us.

We in Courage and Encourage have the truth; so though it may disturb us we should not be deterred by a document that, while clumsy and confusing in parts of its presentation, has no impact on us outside of poking at a desired behavior that we already know is not good for us in any way. I think for many this is part of the real irritation with Fiducia Supplicans. Not what it does or does not do for people in irregular unions but that it seems to reopen the door, by many who lead the Church, to a same-sex relationship and the activity associated with it—a door that many who know the truth of the teachings of the Church have rightly shut. It is a temptation to what we know is not good for us.

Many of us, including me, don’t want to struggle. We don’t want to do the difficult work of self-denial, so we look for excuses to walk away from the good pasture and back to the poisonous one. This document and other statements from Church leaders seems to reopen doors that we who follow the teachings of the Church don’t want open, not only for the good of the other sheep but because we want our lives of virtue to be as easy as possible.

I think it is essential for me to be honest about my agitation with our shepherd, Pope Francis. He doesn’t make the truth unclear; he makes it more difficult for me and others to do what’s right and good without a struggle. To counter this, I keep my focus on “Christ Himself, the Good Shepherd and the Prince of the shepherds…” (Lumen gentium, 6).

If Pope Francis, in seeking new ways to bring back the lost sheep without changing the teachings of the Church, makes my life more difficult, are the souls of others worth it to me? Am I willing to say, “Okay, I know the truth, but what some leaders in the Church are doing to bring those blind back to the truth back makes my life of truth-seeking more difficult. Will I accept that for the sake of the lost sheep? Are the souls of the lost worth the increased difficulty and challenge for me?”

If the answer is yes, then divinization continues. If the answer is no, then I know that some self-examination is needed on my part.

Our lives are about loving God, pursuing holiness, and encouraging others to do the same. We in Courage are specially equipped through our five goals and the leadership of our chaplains to do this in the current environment. We are in the green, lush pasture of truth that we know those outside of it want and our Holy Father wants to lead others to.

So, how do we handle this? We make an effort to see the good and receive it from Fiducia Supplicans and if we cannot, we respectfully ignore it and anything else that distracts us from loving Jesus more and more. At the same time, we arm ourselves with the truth and trust that when and if we are confronted with this document as a weapon by a lost sheep, the Holy Spirit will give us the loving words to correct and guide and be a good example through our pursuit of a divinized life.

Catholic World Report