I am not naturally a positive person. I tend to focus on worries and problems, which often overshadow the small beauties and graces of each day. However, I have always tried to cultivate a positive attitude because it is valued in our culture. During the early days of the Covid-19 pandemic, this became even more challenging. I found myself feeling sad and angry in the face of personal losses and the suffering of others. Well-meaning advice to “just think positive” or “count your blessings” only made things worse. I felt like I had nowhere to express my disappointment and anger, as pretending to be happy was no longer possible.
But here’s the thing: both our trials and tribulations are real and should not be minimized, and yet, God’s time will bring an end to our suffering and even bring blessings amidst the pain.
During this difficult time, my prayers became a laundry list of woes. Most of my conversations with God revolved around my negative emotions that I didn’t know where else to direct. I wondered if God would be tired or uncomfortable with the weight of my feelings. Should I sprinkle in some lighter conversation topics to balance it out? However, slowly but surely, I began to experience a transformation.
As I brought my low moments to God without shame, I discovered a deeper understanding of hope. Hope wasn’t just about being positive in the present moment; it was about looking towards the future. I realized that even when things were difficult or I was going through a tough time, I could still have hope. I could still believe that there would be a better future, a better version of myself on the other side of today’s challenges. When darkness came, as it does for all of us, I learned to name it, welcome it, and go through it rather than avoiding it. And through it all, I held onto the belief that good things were on the horizon. It wouldn’t always be this way.
Reading today’s responsorial psalm brought back vivid memories of those early pandemic days. I could feel the raw emotion of that time, but I also recognized that I have since entered a different phase of my life. Many of the things I hoped for, desired, and prayed for have come to pass. Again, both things are true: our trials and tribulations are real, but God’s time will bring an end to our suffering and even bring blessings amidst the pain. “I believe that I shall see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living.” We can have hope when life is going smoothly, and we can have hope when we face challenges. The key word in the psalm is “shall,” indicating the future tense. I may struggle to see the good things of the Lord today, tomorrow, or even next year. But I will see them here on earth, among the people I love and the gifts of this life.
